Perfect Just Perfect
by Caz Malfoy
Summary: When Ianto Jones woke up that morning, he didn't expect to be a woman...


**Title:** Perfect. Just Perfect.  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** FRM  
**Pairing:** Jack/Ianto  
**Summary:** When Ianto Jones woke up that morning, he didn't expect to be a woman...  
**Spoilers:** Almost Perfect (Book).  
**Author's note:** The idea for this belongs to James Goss (and every other fanfiction writer in the fandom - seriously, that 'guy' is one of us, I'm telling you). I'm just correcting all the bits he got wrong.

This fic takes for granted that you've actually read the book. If you haven't this probably won't make sense cos I haven't re-written every single page. Just the bits I thought Mr Goss got wrong (aka. any bits with Jack and Ianto in them).

x

Shaking, Ianto looked back up at the mirror and winced. The person looking back at him hadn't changed; there was still a woman in his reflection instead of the man there should be.

Something bad had happened. That much was obvious. And it was very likely that whatever it had been was alien.

"Jack?" he called, not liking how weird his voice sounded, as he left the bathroom and headed into the bedroom. "Jack!" he added when he saw that the immortal Captain was still fast asleep; for someone who had once claimed to not sleep, he seemed to be doing a lot of it lately.

When the other man – the only man in the room, Ianto's brain reminded him – didn't move, Ianto reached out and shook his shoulder as hard as he could. He felt some element of smugness when he discovered that, while he wasn't as strong as he normally was, he was definitely stronger than he looked. "Jack, wake up!" he instructed firmly.

Jack's blue eyes flickered open and he ran his hand over his face in the adorable way he had a habit of doing. "Ianto?" he questioned sleepily, looking around the room.

When his gaze settled on the woman kneeling on the bed, his eyes widened and he sat upright, pulling the covers over his naked chest in a way that amused Ianto greatly. "Who are you?" he demanded darkly. "Where's Ianto?" As he asked the question, he looked around to make sure that he was actually in Ianto's apartment.

Ianto sighed and placed a hand on Jack's arm, trying to calm the Captain, even though he was feeling anything other than calm himself. "I'm right here, Jack," he replied softly.

"What are you talking about?" Jack demanded. "I don't know who you are, but you'd better tell me how you got in here and where Ianto is, right now!"

Ianto looked at him, wondering how he could convince Jack who he was since words were very clearly not working, before doing the only thing he could think of. He leant closer to Jack, making it obvious what he was about to do.

"What are you doing?" Jack demanded.

Ianto felt a pang of happiness when he realised that Jack was about to push away the stranger that was about to kiss him; not too long ago, Ianto knew Jack wouldn't have done that.

"Jack?" he whispered, flicking his eyes up to Jack's. "Shut up," he instructed, finally covering the Captain's lips with his own.

Jack stiffened under the touch before he relaxed and let the stranger kiss him. Ianto smiled against his mouth and tilted his head, sliding his tongue into Jack's mouth.

He knew the instant Jack realised who Ianto was; it was the second he ran his tongue over Jack's back teeth in the way he knew made the time traveller weak at the knees.

"Ianto?" he gasped, placed a hand on the woman's shoulder and pushing her back a little. "Is that you?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Finally!" he exclaimed, sitting back and throwing his hands up in the air in exasperation.

Jack let out a bark of laughter and ran his eyes up and down the length of the naked female form in front of him. "What happened to you?" he purred, trailing his fingers up Ianto's arm.

"No," Ianto instantly replied, swatting Jack's hand away. "Whatever you're thinking, get it out of your head, Captain Jack Harkness!"

Jack pouted when he heard his full name and pulled his hand away. "How do you do that?" he asked, rubbing the back of his hand.

"Because I know you," Ianto replied, getting off the bed and grabbing his dressing gown, since having a naked woman in front of him was clearly distracting the Captain. "Get up," he instructed, turning back to look at Jack, "we need to figure out what happened. I am not living as a woman for the rest of my life."

Jack pouted again and looked up at him. "No," Ianto stated with a shake of his head, "I'm not. If for no other reason than you'll miss my cock just as much as I am right now."

x

Gwen was late for work as usual. Ianto had noticed that it was becoming a regular occurrence and made a mental note to bring it up with Jack when everything was back to normal.

She gave him a sideways glance and smiled nervously at him. She didn't really think he was their newest recruit, did she?

He glanced down at himself. He was wearing the clothes Jack had found stuffed in the back of Ianto's hall cupboard: a pair of loose fitting cargo pants and a hooded top that had been Lisa's. The sports bra he was wearing had been uncomfortable at first, but after seeing how much his chest had developed overnight, he knew it was a necessity.

"Hi," Gwen greeted cautiously, making Ianto jump.

"What?" he asked, inwardly cursing himself for being so rude.

"Is everything okay?" the Welsh woman asked in concern.

Ianto let out a laugh. "Oh, nothing is even close to being okay," he responded.

Gwen frowned and they heard Jack's heavy footsteps above them. "Jack, what's going on?" Gwen demanded, turning away from the woman in front of her and looking up at her boss.

Jack slowly descended the stairs, not stopping until he was stood next to them. "Gwen, I know what this looks like, but it's not what you think," he tried to assure her.

The former police officer folded her arms across her chest, "Well, what is it then?"

Ianto took a deep breath, diverting Gwen's attention back to him. "Gwen, it's me," he stated simply. "I'm Ianto."

Gwen's eyes widened and she looked back at Jack for clarification. The immortal man nodded his head with a solemn expression on his face. "It's true," he confirmed.

She looked back to the woman who nodded her head as well. "Fuck!" Gwen swore.

x

Gwen and Jack were sitting in the boardroom waiting for Ianto to arrive with their drinks. Neither of them had spoken since arriving and Gwen wasn't sure how to begin to ask what was going on.

When Ianto came in with a tray, Gwen let herself truly look at her now female colleague. He – she? – had a fantastic figure; curves in all the right places and cheekbones to die for. But then again, she reasoned with herself, Ianto hadn't exactly been fat and ugly as a man, had he?

Ianto leant over to pass her a cup and Gwen noticed Jack tilt his head to the side and smirk. He was making no effort to hide the fact that he was looking at her arse.

"Jack!" Gwen scolded, reaching over and hitting him on the arm. "Stop that!"

Ianto looked up, catching the bashful expression on Jack's face and laughing. "Don't worry about it, Gwen," he soothed, sliding into the seat next to Jack. "He's been doing it since we woke up this morning."

Gwen smiled at the thought of them going home together. She was so glad they weren't alone; after loosing Tosh and Owen, they all needed to cling onto any one they had in their lives.

"Okay," Jack spoke, clapping his hands and grinning at the pair of them. "Other than the obvious," he indicated to Ianto, "there's been a ferry that sank just off the bay and static electricity is up by twenty-three per cent."

"Presumably figuring out what happened to Ianto is top priority," Gwen ventured a guess.

"Unless you're wearing nylon," Jack retorted, flashing her a grin.

Gwen rolled her eyes. "What happened?" she asked, turning to look at Ianto.

Ianto shrugged his shoulders. "I just woke up like this. No memory of what happened to make me this way, although I did have a little bit of a hangover and a pair of breasts."

"So nothing unusual?" she pressed, going into complete police mode.

"Apart from the surprising lack of a cock?" Ianto laughed. "Nothing."

Jack laughed at the annoyed look on Ianto's face. "He's brilliant, you know?" he asked Gwen. "He wakes up. Everything is different; finger prints, voice, DNA. I didn't recognise him."

"How did you know it was him?" Gwen asked, frowning in confusion.

Ianto closed his eyes and shook his head. "Please don't encourage him, Gwen," he begged.

It was too late. Jack had already seen his way in. "He kissed me. I knew it was him straight away after that. You see there's this thing he does with his tongue-,"

"Jack!" Ianto cried, glaring over at their boss. "She doesn't need to know the details."

"Right," Jack muttered, smiling apologetically at his lover.

Ianto sighed. "It really is me, Gwen," he tried to assure her. "I don't know how I can prove it to you but-,"

"Please don't kiss me!" Gwen laughed, waving her hand in front of her to ward him away. After a beat, she returned to being serious, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," Ianto replied. "Confused, completely petrified, but for the most part, I'm fine."

Jack smiled and reached over, placing a hand on top of Ianto's. "We'll sort it out," he murmured, running his thumb across Ianto's wrist. "We're Torchwood; a simple sex change is nothing."

x

Ianto had spent most of the day wandering aimlessly around the Hub. He had tried to stop himself from going into full-blown out panic mode by surrounding himself with familiar things and tasks.

The tourist office had been surprisingly busy that morning; people wandering down to the bay hoping to discover some gossip about the ferry that had sunk the afternoon before, probably.

The door opened and Jack entered, grinning at him. "Where's Gwen?" Ianto asked, watching as Jack moved around the small office and leant on the counter beside him.

"She had to check in with Rhys, or something," Jack responded with a shrug of his shoulders.

He reached over and grabbed two bottles of water from the counter behind him. "I thought we could toast to your first day," he said, opening a bottle and handing it to Ianto.

"Jack, I've been here for almost three years now," Ianto reminded him with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes, but that was as a man," Jack pointed out, leaning closer and grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Miss Ianto Jones, as your manager – and lover – I'm here to ask how your first day in this new body is going?"

Ianto grimaced and leant back in his chair. "As well as to be expected, I suppose."

Jack raised an eyebrow, silently urging him to continue. "It's strange," Ianto sighed, bring his hand up and twisting his index finger around a few strands of hair. "It doesn't feel that different, I still feel like me, just…"

He sighed as he tried to think of how to word his feelings. "You know when your mobile breaks and they give you a replacement that looks okay but isn't quite right? I feel like I'm that wrong phone."

Jack reached out and placed a hand over Ianto's. "I wouldn't know what that feels like," he replied softly. "Whenever my mobile breaks, you always get me a replacement that's exactly the same."

"That's because you hate change and are crap at figuring out how to use new ones," Ianto retorted.

"It's one of the things I love about you. That you know exactly what to do to make things easier for me," he continued.

Ianto smiled and leant up, pressing his lips against Jack's. "I love you too," he whispered. "But that still doesn't help me get back to being myself."

"We'll get your body back," Jack tried to assure him. "I've fired off a few emails to UNIT and Martha's on the case."

"You told Martha?" Ianto glared at him. "Great…"

"I'm trying to help, Ianto. It's unlikely, but UNIT might know something we don't. Gwen's been going through the archives…" At Ianto's horrified look, he rushed to add; "I ordered her to not mess anything up. This kind of thing isn't unique – Torchwood's dealt with it before. There's even a protocol and forms, maybe even if a pamphlet if I remember correctly."

Ianto knew for a fact that Jack was lying; he knew every protocol Torchwood had and this wasn't one of them.

There was a silence between them. They were already at the stage in their relationship where they didn't feel the need to constantly find something to talk about.

"Do you want me to come over tonight?" Jack asked softly, running his fingers up Ianto's arm and twisting them around his hair.

Ianto bit his lip as he considered Jack's offer. The Captain didn't sound like he was coming onto him, which Ianto was grateful for – he wasn't ready to go there with Jack in a new body.

"Yeah," he eventually admitted, his voice nothing more than a whisper. "I think I might freak out if I'm on my own for too long."

Jack grinned and kissed him softly. "Then I'd better stay with you indefinitely," he chuckled.

x

Jack had been forced to leave Ianto halfway through the night. He hadn't wanted to – and Ianto hadn't wanted him to go – but Weevil's waited for no one and they couldn't risk a civilian being injured. The Captain had kissed Ianto and made a promise to return before woke up.

When Ianto woke to an empty bed and an empty flat, he wasn't too disappointed. He knew that Jack would still be busy at work; he always kept his promises now, unless he had a very good reason not to.

Ianto showered quickly, towel drying his long hair before climbing back into bed. He should be getting dressed – it was almost time to be at work – but suddenly he felt like going out into the world was the scariest thing ever.

An hour passed, with him doing nothing more than lying in bed and listening to the silence of the apartment, until he heard the click of the door open and close. He wasn't alarmed by the intrusion. He knew it was Jack – he was the only one other than Ianto with a key, since he spent many of his nights there anyway.

Silently Jack slid into the bedroom and climbed onto the bed. "Hey," he whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss against Ianto's temple, nuzzling his wet hair for a second. "I like this shampoo," he commented with a grin.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "It's the same shampoo I always use," he pointed out.

Jack pouted and leant closer, smelling Ianto again. "Are you sure?"

He let out a bark of laughter. "Pretty sure," he retorted.

"Must smell different when you're not a man," Jack murmured with a shrug, sitting back and looking at Ianto's face – the only part of him visible beneath the duvet.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after a beat, running his fingers over the quilt cover in front of him.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "What do you think?" he drawled. "Weird. Abnormal. Strange. Ridiculous."

Jack shushed him and shook his head. "You aren't any of those things, Ianto. You're just…" he floundered the right word.

"A freak?" Ianto supplied.

"Not yourself," Jack finally finished, throwing a light glare at Ianto.

"You say potato," Ianto muttered darkly, turning his head and looking away from Jack.

He felt the bed shift and the Captain wrapped his arm around Ianto, pulling him back as best as he could.

"I miss being me," Ianto whispered, closing his eyes in embarrassment.

Jack chuckled lightly and pressed a kiss against the back of his neck. "You mean, you miss being a man," he corrected softly. "You're still you."

"Am I?" Ianto challenged, shrugging Jack's arm off and rolling over to face him. "Am I still the Ianto Jones you fell in love with, Jack?"

"Of course you are," Jack replied firmly, leaving no doubt in Ianto's mind that he meant the words he was saying. "I fell in love with who you are on the inside. Don't roll your eyes at me; it's true," he added when he spotted Ianto's expression. "It's cliché but that doesn't make it anything less than fact."

Ianto laughed and shuffled closer to Jack, leaning his weight against him for a moment. "You're a sap this early in the morning," he whispered against Jack's shoulder.

The Captain chuckled and pressed a kiss against Ianto's forehead. "I'm a sap before I've had coffee," he corrected. "Speaking off…"

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "I knew there was a reason you kept me around," he muttered, pushing Jack away and rolling over. "You only want me so I can keep your caffeine addiction in check."

He got to his feet and crossed the room, pulling on a silk kimono and loosely tying the belt around his slim waist.

"Wow," Jack purred in appreciation, crossing the room and pressing against Ianto's back as he looked at their reflection. "Where did this come from?" he asked, running his hand down Ianto's side, feeling the soft silk under his touch.

Ianto swatted his wandering hand away and looked up to meet the Captain's gaze in the mirror. "I bought it for Lisa before… I never got chance to give to her and it's been sitting in the drawer ever since."

Jack hugged him and Ianto grinned a little. "Coffee?" he asked, changing the subject and stepping away from the immortal.

He grinned and nodded his head enthusiastically. "I love you!" he exclaimed, making Ianto roll his eyes.

"No, you love my coffee making skills," Ianto corrected.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "There's a difference?" he joked, following Ianto through the apartment into the kitchen.

x

Ianto glared at his reflection in the dressing room mirror. He was wearing nothing more than a sports bra and a pair of briefs. "This body really is perfect," he whispered to himself with a shake of his head.

The curtain parted a little and Gwen stuck her head in, making him jump. "What was that?" she asked, frowning a little.

Ianto shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, not bothering to cover himself up. Being with Jack – and Gwen catching them several times – seemed to have forced any embarrassment from him.

"Here," Gwen said, breaking him out of his thoughts, "try these on." She thrust a pink shirt and matching blouse into the changing room.

"Gwen!" Ianto exclaimed, taking the clothes from her and inspecting them. "I'm not a Barbie doll! How am I supposed to work for Torchwood in that outfit?"

Gwen looked at the clothes. "What's wrong with them?" she asked. "You look good in pink, don't deny you do."

"I'm not denying anything," Ianto assured her, handing the clothes back to her. "I know pink suits me. It's just… two much pink can be a bad thing. And how am I supposed to hunt Weevils in a skirt?"

"Very easily," Gwen laughed. "A skirt gives Jack better access…"

"Whoa!" Ianto held his hand up. "How did we get on to _that_?"

Gwen frowned. "Well, you said Weevil hunting and I thought you meant… You know? 'Weevil hunting'."

Ianto looked mortified. "Oh my god," he murmured. If he had thought he couldn't get embarrassed anymore, then he had clearly been mistaken. "You thought we were having sex when we were Weevil hunting?" he hissed.

Gwen's eyes widened. "The way Jack always says it makes it sound like you're having sex," she explained.

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Jack makes _everything _sound like it's a euphemism," he scoffed. "No, Gwen, we actually do catch Weevils, I promise you. Now could you please find me some jeans and a T-shirt that isn't Barbie pink?"

x

"Patrick is attracted to me."

"Well, I can't say I blame him. Look at you."

Ianto sighed and turned in his chair to look at Jack. The immortal Captain was standing by the shelves rifling through them to find something to watch. "Jack…"

When Jack didn't look up, Ianto got to his feet and crossed the room. "Come on," he murmured, bringing his hands up and running them over his partner's broad shoulders. "You're not jealous, are you?"

"No," Jack scoffed a little too quickly with a shake of his head. "Well…" he corrected himself. "Maybe just a little bit," he admitted. "Can you blame me? Half the men in Cardiff want you."

"And the other half want you," Ianto replied, turning Jack around so they were face to face – or as best as they could be given that Ianto was almost a whole foot shorter than Jack. "Listen to me, Jack," he instructed. "We had this discussion months ago."

"I know," Jack whispered, looping his arms around Ianto's waist and pulling him closer. "It's just… After losing Tosh and Owen… I just… I don't want to lose you too."

Ianto stood on his tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss against Jack's lips. "I can't promise that you won't lose me, we both know that. But you know I'm trying my hardest to stay alive for you, Jack."

"I know," Jack repeated. "It's… It's not the thought of you being alone in the company of another man that bothers me. It's not. It's the thought of you being alone in the company of another man that's bothering me."

Ianto laughed and shook his head. "You mean, you're worried that if I'm alone with a man – who isn't you – that they'll try to do something to take me away from you?" Jack nodded his head mutely and Ianto kissed him again. "I'll be fine. In case you don't remember, I can take care of myself."

"I remember," Jack whispered, tightening his hold on Ianto. "That night in the warehouse with Rhys and the whale…"

The Welsh man – woman? – nodded his head. "There you go. I'm not asking you to stop worrying about me. Just… Please don't act like a jealous boyfriend when I tell you what my plan is."

Jack's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What is your plan?" he asked warily.

"I think if I flirt with Patrick and get to know him, I might be able to find out more about what's happening and maybe even stop it."

x

It had been a few hours since everything at the club had happened and the Torchwood Cardiff team had slowly been putting it right.

Or rather, Jack and Gwen had. The Captain hadn't really seen Ianto for at least an hour. He had been beginning to get a little worried, so when Ianto made his reappearance he was more than a little relieved.

"I'll be right back," he murmured, patting Gwen on her shoulder and heading over to Ianto. "Hey," he whispered, stopping a few feet away from him. "You okay?"

Ianto nodded his head distractedly, looking down at his clipboard and the list of things he had to do – all of which were done.

"Ianto," Jack sighed, "can we talk?"

"What is there to talk about?" Ianto replied, still not looking up. "You made a deal with these people, conveniently didn't tell any of us about it and all this happened. That's pretty self explanatory."

Jack sighed and reached out to his lover. "Ianto, please, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I would never…" He groaned and screwed his eyes closed. "I know I flirt a lot and make comments about us having a three way, but I never would have done something like this if I hadn't been under alien influence. I…"

Ianto reached up and pressed a finger to Jack's lips. "I know," he murmured. "I really do, Jack."

"Then why the silent treatment?" Jack asked, his forehead crumpling in confusion.

"I don't get why you felt like you couldn't tell me about this, Jack," Ianto confessed. "You told me about Flat Holm, about your past, what was different about this?" He indicated to the club around them.

"I don't know," Jack confessed. "I'm sorry," he whispered, running his hand over Ianto's long hair. "I'm so sorry."

Ianto looked at him stoically before a smile spread over his face. "It's okay," he replied, kissing Jack softly.

Jack closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Ianto's for a long moment until he murmured, "Couldn't you have left it a little fabulous?" He looked around forlornly.

Ianto shook his head. "Sorry. It was a fairly major operation getting the machine to untangle all those body parts and make everyone normal. There's still some poor kid in Barry who's missing a finger."

"Not our worst day," Jack shrugged his shoulders. "What about their memories?"

"Give me a little credit, Jack," Ianto chided. "They're all completely wiped. No one remembers a thing. Never had less trouble getting people to take Retcon. I just told them it was E."

Jack tutted. "Lying to the masses. You're going to Hell, Ianto Jones."

Ianto laughed and rolled his eyes. "At least I'll make a pretty corpse."

"That you will," Jack agreed sincerely. "But, you might want to shave. It looks like there's some stubble showing."

Ianto placed a hand on his cheek and grinned. "According to the machine, this is my last night as a woman."

Jack kissed him softly. "That's great," he whispered.

"Gwen's already coming around in the morning to steal the clothes we bought," Ianto added.

The Captain laughed loudly. "That sounds like Gwen," he chuckled.

Ianto and Jack stood on Charles Street, doing nothing more than watching the world pass them by.

"Come on," Ianto instructed, tugging on Jack's hand and leading him down the street. "I have a promise to keep."

They walked, neither of them speaking, until they reached the Bay where they paused at the waters edge. Ianto looked down at the bag in his hand. "Could you do it?" he eventually asked, looking up at Jack with wide eyes.

"Of course," Jack replied, reaching out and taking the bag from his lover. "You're sure this is what it wants?"

Ianto nodded and Jack reached into the bag, pulling the machine out and looking at it as it sat in the palm of his hand.

"Is it offering you anything?"

Jack blinked and looked away from the machine. "What can it offer me?" he replied. "I'm as perfect as I'm going to get."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You're ego is so huge," he muttered.

"Not just my ego," Jack replied, his blue eyes twinkling. He pulled back his arm and threw the machine into the water, watching as it skimmed out to sea. "Bon voyage," he whispered, tapping two fingers to his temple.

The two of them stood there for a while, not speaking, just watching the water move.

"So," Ianto finally said, turning to Jack.

"Yeah," Jack breathed, reaching out for Ianto's hand.

Ianto leant over, brushing his lips against Jack's cheek and whispering in his ear. "I'm only a woman for one more night, you know."

A grin spread across Jack's lips. "Then we should make the most of it," he purred, pulling Ianto into a passionate kiss. "But lets go for something to eat first."

Ianto grinned and wrapped his arm around Jack's waist as they headed to the nearest restaurant. "I thought we'd be heading straight back to the apartment," he commented.

Jack laughed. "That did spring to mind, but we haven't eaten all day. Besides, if I wear you out now, you won't be up to anything when you get your cock back."

The End

- If you want to read the Het smut, check out 'Making the Most of it' on my Profile.


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